Six years and one month ago, I had been married just eight months. It was a huge decision. One might say a decision that could have been a matter of life or death. I was taking a big chance. Aware that I wasn’t taking the ‘easy’ way out. Knowing some people thought I was. It’s not like I didn’t think this decision through thoroughly. It’s not like I didn’t weigh the pros and cons. I spent countless hours researching. Reading the topic on discussion boards. Attending information meetings. Talking it through, for hours, with my husband, my best friend and my mother-in-law (who had become one of my closest friends).
In the end, I didn’t make this decision alone. I made it with my husband. We discussed my fears and his fears. We shared our pros and cons list. We cried together at the scary “what-if’s”. We imagined the benefits it would bring into our lives. And in the end, that is what confirmed my decision. Our decision.
Six years and one month ago, I laid on a hospital bed; fluorescent light blazing in my eyes. I actually said ‘goodbye’ to my best friend, my husband and my amazing mother-in law, Theresa; you know, just in case. I cried a bit. I remember feeling cold and alone. Scared; yet strong and determined. Enough strength to push out the fear. Or...maybe the yummy-knock-me-to-sleep drugs finally kicked in.
In the end, I woke up. I felt pain. But not fear. I felt victorious. But I still felt pain. My best friend, my angel; she was there the whole time. She helped me the whole way through. She helped feed me the liquid food they provided. Beef broth and hot tea; actually tasty when your stomach can suddenly not hold anything more than a pinky-tip amount of liquid. She encouraged me to release a certain bodily vapor that would be a sign that I would be released from the hospital soon. She helped me walk, with my IV-bag–on-wheels, up and down the hall. My best friend.
Six years and one month ago, I witnessed the pros of this decision, almost immediately. I questioned the nurse to be sure I heard her right. Had my blood sugar levels dropped to normal so soon? It had been mere hours since the recovery room. Could my blood pressure be down? Had I really lost 10 pounds? Already? That soon? Some nurses were nice; others withdrawn or quiet. More walking up and down the hall. Very slow paces at first; now beginning to speed up.
In the end, it was the best decision I ever made. No more Diabetes; no more high blood pressure. No more food. I could barely sip the broth. One teaspoon felt like Thanksgiving dinner. Solid food was but a dim memory. It was the best decision I ever made.