An Educator

In a few minutes I begin teaching my fourth course of the week. As I've mentioned in a previous post, I'm teaching full-time at a local college and I must admit, I'm loving it. (No, I'm not stealing that tag line from McDonald's...notice I actually spell it out fully?)  =) Anyhow, each one of us is given the opportunity to do things that bring value and meaning to our lives and the lives of others. For some, it is the blessing of being a parent, as they guide their children to live full and productive lives. For others, it is being a mentor or big brother/big sister to younger ones in need of positive guidance. For me, it's the opportunity to stand in front of a group of college students and relay whatever content they're here to learn in a way they will not only grasp it but also be able to use it in their lives on a daily basis. A traditional educator I am not. But an educator, I am.

Everyday

Witty insight or a funny comment. Ticklish licks and kisses from cute doggies. Everyday, moments of laughter.

Reminder of loss or abandonment of a friendship. Words left unspoken. Everyday, moments of pain.

A smile or kindness from a stranger. Witnessing a student connecting with the topic being discussed. Everyday, moments of joy.

Actions that may have hurt the ones loved most. Regret for words that should have remained unspoken. Everyday, moments of remorse.

Ability to experience life with all five senses. Blessed with love and friendship. Everyday, moments of appreciation.

Each cause for those, opportunities for growth; once accepted. Each moment unique; always reflect. Each, a life lesson. Facing truths.

On Being a Woman

Give a girl an education and introduce her properly into the world, and ten to one but she has the means of settling well, without further expense to anybody. (Jane Austen)

Jane said it well. Giving a girl an education gives her the means of relying on no one but herself, should that be required. Certainly, many a girls dream is to find her prince charming, settle into the castle and be taken care of emotionally, mentally, physically and financially. Oh, but just a dream that is for most, though. And these days, many don't even dream that. Generation after generation of women have found their reliance on a man only brings them disappointment, sadness, grief, self-doubt, insecurity, mistrust and fear. Mothers have taught their daughters, based on their own personal experiences usually, that relying on a man is not the thing to do these days. If I take this a step further, relying on anyone to help define who you are as a human being, whether a male or female significant other, isn't the smart thing to do.

Various sources indicate that the divorce rate in the United States has reached up to a staggering 50%. While that blows my mind in many ways, it also doesn't surprise me. There are very few people that I know who have stayed married to their first spouse. This isn't stated in a judgmental fashion, it's stated simply as a fact. While it is an unfortunate fact, it is a fact, nonetheless. The psychological aspect of why this is has been analyzed in many ways. That's not the purpose of this post, though. I'll leave that to the sociological and psychological experts.

At one time, marriages were considered business transactions. Although, while I say at one time, I'm sure this is still a fact on many social levels today. If I break it down from a business perspective, which lately includes an accounting refresher, the business of a marriage would include 'debits and credits' and 'assets and liabilities'. Crazy to think about it in those terms but when you turn on the news and hear stories such as this one, there's no denying that accounting terms are taken into consideration in some marriages these days.

Throughout history, men are depicted and have been considered the stronger sex. It's a fact in so many different respects, starting from the physicality aspect of it to the social standing aspect. A quick peruse of the list of CEO's for the top Fortune 500 companies in America is proof that women still have a long way to go if they'll ever reach the same status and/or level as men. If ever.

In my lifetime, I've not lacked the presence of strong women in my life. Starting with my own mother, both of my grandmother's, my step-mom, various aunts, friends, mentors, colleagues...countless women who have shown me the strength that God has given to the 'weaker' of the two sexes. Women who have stood up to men who have wanted to dominate, control, oppress and manipulate. Women who have made it on their own personally, professionally, spiritually, emotionally.

Contrary to what might be assumed, this is not being written in opposition of men. I love men. I'm married to a wonderful man who understands and respects the strength and courage that women have been blessed with. He was raised by four very strong women and always refers to his maternal grandmother as his grandmother and grandfather, whom he never knew. I'm blessed that my father is still alive, as well as my step-father who played a major role in my upbringing. Many men have taught me many things about the roles they accept and play as husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, uncles, friends.

Unfortunately, though, there are many men who abuse the roles given to them. Men who seek to dominate and emotionally control as a way to pad their egos and hide their lack of emotional maturity. I've been exempt by this type of man most of my life, but alas, another lesson in life reared it's head. I've seen hypocrisy, in one form or another, my whole life. I'm sure we all have. Allowing someone into your life who claims to live one way, but turns out to live it another, is always a learning lesson. A wolf in sheep's clothing, so-to-speak. Jane Austen also stated, "Nothing is more deceitful than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast." She was so right! The details aren't important, the learning lesson is, however. And what I learned is that to stay true to who I am as a woman, who I was raised to be - even if I daily seek to change and improve all aspects of my being into a better, more balanced person - is to fall back on all that I've learned. All I've learned from the strong, amazing women in my life, and from the men - most especially my husband.

Every day, every moment, life is my teacher.

This Moment

All days aren't like this...it was a very good day. Dare I say a perfect day? As perfect as perfect can get. I was taught growing up, that no one is perfect. I don't disagree with that. I was also taught that life isn't perfect. I don't disagree with that either. But no one ever said that a moment or moments in life couldn't be perfect. In reflection, I would have to say that while it was never specifically stated, it sure was implied. The word 'perfect' seemed to be set aside for only one.

It wasn't until recently that I became open to the thought that perfection is possible. Possible in the sense of what we each, individually, define as perfection. Perfection, may have been the moment you realized you loved the man you were dating and decided you could spend the rest of your life with him. Or, perfection may have been the moment you saw your first child emerge from the womb of your wife. A moment of perfection is a moment when you can do nothing else but smile the whole time or cry tears of joy. It may be but for a moment, but it is perfection.

In coming to this point, I've enjoyed more moments for what they are; perfect for that moment in life. This moment in life. A moment of meditation to give thanks for the breath I'm breathing, the clock I hear ticking, the doggies that surround me as I sit here and type this, my husband who sits across from me on the next sofa; a perfect moment to end a perfect day. A day that included physical, spiritual and emotional balance. A day that was not without pain. A day that was not without frustrations. Life wouldn't be life if it wasn't frustrating at times. A day that included meeting new people and trying new things. A day that included a warm soul waking up next to me in the morning and soon going to sleep next to me tonight. Perfect for this moment in life.

All The Remaining Years

Week nine of a twelve week quarter has come very quickly. The new college where I am a teaching in my first role as a full-time faculty member has been rewarding thus far. I'm finding that I've learned a lot about many things through this experience and my hopes, of course, is that my students have learned as well.

This is only the third time in my teaching career that I've worked for a college with younger students. Having begun my role as an educator in 2001, I found myself younger than at least one-third to half of the students in the groups I taught. This was a position I was used to - being younger than most I associated with on a professional level. In this new role, however, I feel more adult than I ever have before. With less than two years before I hit the big four-o (gulp), I'm finally beginning to feel like an adult.

While I realize that might sound like a crazy statement, considering we are generally adults by the age of eighteen, I must say it's honest. When I walk the halls of the college, I'll guess that I'm older than the majority of students who attend. I get called Mrs. and Ma'am more often than not and Ms. Guillen, rather than Tricia or Patricia. My guess is that my younger students think it's best to call their elders by their last name. I know that's what I did when I was their age. 

Age is definitely creeping up on me faster than I realize and I'm actually okay with this. I'm not freaking out about getting old. Nor am I dreading the big four-o. What I'm finding is that feeling like an adult is a pretty good feeling. While I hope to never loose the desire to learn, change and grow, and act like a kid, at times, I do feel I'm wholeheartedly working towards a healthy work/life balance. Which feels like an adult thing to do. Something that isn't an easy task for most of us. It's much easier, than not, to get caught up in the minutia of life and the drama that comes with it; most of which we cause ourselves.

Something that my dad usually says whenever I ask him how he's doing is something along the lines of "I'm still breathing, living life, and enjoying another day"...And I think he's got it right. We're given only one life and it only makes sense to focus on everything within it. Life as it is, good or bad. Focusing on the moment, the here and now, is the only way to appreciate and live life fully. That is the goal these days and hopefully for all the remaining years of my life.

Continued learning...

The sky was an amazing blue after the sun lowered last night. I stood out on the patio of my sister's home, hugged my husband, and embraced the moment. Having spent the majority of that afternoon on that patio, my sister and I had dyed material and assembled flowers for our project. Finding very interesting color combinations I felt like a kid back in art class as I donned a painter's smock (okay, it was really an apron) and used paint brushes to apply the different colors. It was fun and relaxing, at the same time.

While sitting on the patio at the work table, a make-shift set-up my sister uses as her workstation, I remember thinking how wonderful the temperature was outside. Conducive to our afternoon of creativity. The music played in the background, a varied combination of tunes that came from her iPod. Most songs I knew and could sing along to, some I had heard and knew the tune, others completely new to me. 

Back on the patio, I stood there embraced by my husband, looked into the kitchen from the back window and as my sister sat on the table in her home, I felt the wicked sting of tears approaching. Not having a sad reason to cry, I knew they were happy tears. And happy tears I always welcome. Realizing what was happening my husband asked me what was wrong. After a moment of swallowing the approaching tears to the best of my ability, I finally got the words out to tell him they were happy tears. I looked into the window and told him how much I'm learning from my sister. He smiled, knowing what I was referring to.

As the day turned to evening, we found ourselves working on the dining room table as we each created new items for our shop. At one point, with music playing in the background, she and I both sung different parts of songs as we sewed petals together and beads on the petals. My brother-in-law, as he meandered into the kitchen, made note of the music we were singing along to. Yes, it could have been a Lilith Fair mix, but it wasn't, and he had totally missed our ode to the New Wave movement of the 80's. We continued to sing and hum...a connection we had even as small, young sisters, which obviously remains with us as adults.

Back on the patio, embraced by love in so many different ways, I relished in the moment, appreciated the day and headed back inside to create more. The sky, now a dark blue; the temperature, colder and brisk. Life, a continuous learning lesson.

This Week

This week I found myself teaching five different groups, practically back-to-back. During some of the evenings, while listening to the pounding of water on the pavement and rooftop of our home, I reflected on each day. While the work was not expected so quickly, nor was I fully prepared, the challenge of having to quickly prepare is like an extra shot of espresso in my beloved latte. Liquid adrenaline. Driven by the surge of energy helps to calm the nerves when most important. Four out of the five groups were new and I somehow managed to stand up in front of each group and talk and teach. Teaching is nothing I ever expected I would enjoy doing but we don't always realize the gifts that we're given and how they're to be used. This week, surviving a hailstorm of responsibilities that came as quickly and unexpected as the rain.